Help, My Senior Pastor Is A Jerk
I received the following email once from someone in ministry:
“I serve in a ministry in my church. Worship has always been my passion. I’m in my 20′s. Over the years I discovered my pastor is a very self centered person, full of himself and his achievements, who doesn’t motivate anyone at all. This has left the church very empty in terms of vision and projects. I don’t know how to be free with him. I’m very afraid of give my opinion as I know it will hardly be accepted. A lot of people I consider important have left the church because of that. I’m fed up with this church environment where there’s a lot of cynism and fear. This has also confused me a lot in terms of my own ministry…”
photo: Generationbass.com
After some back and forth email discussion, I asked their permission to post the nature of their question. I figured they weren’t the only person to deal with this sort of thing. After some discussion, we put together these bullet points. Maybe they will help you if you too face this kind of situation:
- It’s a season. Not matter how excruciating it may seem at the moment, it will not be forever.
- Think 20 years from now. What kind of person do you want to see in yourself when you look back on how you handled this situation? Your character seems to be getting beaten into shape under the fire of relational conflict (imagine a blacksmith forming a chestplate)
- Ask, “What can I learn about leadership through this experience?” Your leadership is in a constant state of flux. Take the initiative to push the flux upward and forward.
- Pray. Pray for the person who seems, in your mind, to be causing a less than ideal atmosphere. Get on your knees and listen. You’ll most likely be surprised to find that God does more changing in YOU than in the other person.
- Remember Matt 18 principle
I think your points are dead on. My prayers and heart go out to them – I do understand their position and for sure they are not the only one going through all this. I determined that I would learn from the mistakes of the one I was under when I went through something similar.
Jim F recently posted..Just A Little Rural Church
Jim, yeah this would be quite an awkward situation for sure. I trust we will be able to provide some light at the end of the tunnel for those currently in this place right now (and not have the light be a train!)
These are good points,Scott. May I suggest a couple more?
[1] Start a “Motivation File” where you keep positive statements of what you would do if God ever makes you a senior pastor. For example: If I’m ever a senior pastor I will respect and ask for the opinions of my staff members
[2] When you’ve done all these things and the relationship remains toxic, resign and leave.
There comes a time when you must take care of yourself and your family. A truly poisonous church situation can destroy your ministry, perhaps even your spiritual life. I have seen it happen.
Mark Haines recently posted..Praying for Church Finances
Mark, I love [1]. Here’s another for the file: “Celebrate what you want to see more of.”
[2] pains me a bit. I suppose there are those times when it’s appropriate to “shake the dust off your sandals”, but that must be entered into with great wisdom and understanding. I always say no one should ever leave a church unless they are running TO something, not running AWAY from something.
Thanks for the additions to the list!
Church staff person: Is your senior pastor a jerk? Here are some ideas for you: http://t.co/ZM5URB0m