It has been taught for years that everything rises and falls based on leadership. Such is true for establishing strong church ministries as well as for building a strong family.

So where does marriage fit into this fact?

Marriage remains under attack and if, indeed, the responsibility of leadership is so important to the issue, then the pastor or ministry leader has a huge task in front of him or her. As daunting as it may seem, what if I told you that there is a great blessing within the task itself?

Ministry leaders who are cognizant of the importance of strong marriages would do well to facilitate such within their fields of influence. Healthy marriages give way towards healthy families and, subsequently, healthy churches and ministries.

“Leading the way can pay huge dividends.”

But, what often is missed is the fact that the accountability that is generated by leading the way towards marital health can pay huge dividends in the leader’s marriage. Good leaders do not expect someone following them to do something that they, themselves, are not doing. As a leader models what it looks like to be a good husband or a good wife, their own marriage is being strengthened while other couples observe and imitate.

Speaking the Word and encouraging the believers is important, but leaders must also model the practical aspects of God’s Word for others to see and imitate.

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”  Hebrews 13:7 NIV

Closer To Home

Are you tired, struggling and feeling like you are burning out even though you are doing what you are called to do and, legitimately, love to do? Perhaps the source of your feelings is not coming from your place of ministry, but from somewhere much closer to home.

Determine to model marriage as God intended it to be and watch the amazing effects on your own marriage and your ministry.

This is a guest post by a good friend of mine, Dave Kidd. Dave is President of Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries, Director of Network Marriage Initiative. You can contact him by email: 4marriages@gmail.com. Visit his website: www.bindinghearts.net.

Experts say that no one in the history of mankind has ever finished a project. It simply cannot be done. What they do say is, we finish next steps. When enough next steps are strung together with the same end, they resemble a project.

No one has ever had an affair. It simply cannot be done. What happens are little moral decisions. String enough moral decisions with the same end, they resemble an affair. An affair never happens overnight. It is an accumulation of little moral failures over time:

An extended glance in the direction of the opposite gender…

Flipping channels while your wife sleeps…

A short meeting just you and that attractive person in your office with the door closed…

Lord help us, moment by moment, to string enough good moral decisions together to resemble a life that finishes strong.

Today’s post is from Dave Kidd, President/Chairman of Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries. You can visit him at http://www.bindinghearts.net/.  He’s also on Facebook here. I’m privileged to have him share with you the importance of your marriage in serving strong.

“If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he’s talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry. He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:1-5 THE MESSAGE)

He jumped at the sound of his phone ringing. A quick glance at the caller ID confirmed that this was, indeed, the call he had been anticipating. Taking a deep breath he picked up the handset. After a few minutes of conversation, he was met with the news he had been waiting for. He had been selected for the ministry position for which he had been a candidate for months.

The transition committee chairperson listed all the qualities of the new leader that had intrigued and pleased the committee. However, the final attribute listed, surprised the candidate. The committee observed the candidates interaction with his wife and family during the several instances afforded them by the process. Additionally, they were impressed with what the individuals, listed as references, on the candidates resume had to say about his relationship with his wife and family. These attributes, often thought of as unrelated to ministry, were primary factors in this candidate’s selection.

The Apostle Paul’s words to a young pastor still ring true today. Notice that all of the characteristics listed in the verses above are personal characteristics. The list begins with what people observe in a ministry leader in regard to his/her family. Following this, are temperaments which are most often and most critically tested within the confines of the marital relationship. Finally, Paul ends his list with ideals in direct relationship with the leader’s family.

What About You?

What would the people observing your life and ministry say about what they see in your interaction with your family? More importantly, what does God see when there is nobody home but the family? If our private married and family life is healthy and congruent with our public ministry life, then God will be pleased. Having a ministry which flows out of a healthy marriage and family is vital to that ministry’s success. Our public expression of ministry does, indeed, flow from our private expression of ministry to our spouse and family. In such, we are either in congruence or in-congruent. Our marriage, family and, subsequently, our ministry will, eventually expose which ever reality is present.

What’s one thing you do to keep your marriage alive and fresh?

This is part 2 of a 2-part blog series on marriage by guest blogger, Jeremy Ford. Click to read Part 1 and Jeremy’s bio.

A strong marriage helps ensure strong ministry service. Let’s continue with the last 5 signs of marriage failure and ways to save it…

6. You  Struggle For Control. The  struggle for control in a relationship can be detrimental and never ending.  Give God control of your marriage, offering it up in prayer and feeding your  relationship with God’s word. Spending time in prayer and within God’s word can  help uncover the truth that you can be happy and secure within grasping for  constant control over your partner or a situation. You can avoid also power  struggles with your partner by getting together and developing a clear plan for  responsibilities and maintaining some boundaries. Transcribing who will do what  and when can help give each partner the control they crave while providing  balance and equality.

7. A  Haunting Past. Despite  your commitment and love, you and your partner are not perfect. You will make  mistakes in some capacity and probably already have. Letting go of some of the  past issues you may have faced can make you stronger than ever. Seek God for  the forgiveness required of you to move past hardships and focus on the future  with your spouse, says the University of Maryland.

8. You  Play the Blame Game. Blaming  each other for various issues and struggles does very little to actually solve  a problem and puts undo stress on both partners. Instead of blaming, make a  list of possible solutions and work on improving the situation together.

9.  Appreciation is Lacking. Thank your  partner for even some of the small things they do to help or that you  appreciate. Small notes of appreciation or inexpensive gifts can help show your  spouse you care as well.

10.  Anger and Resentment Loom. While anger  or resentment may be present for good reason, push through your anger and try  to speak to your partner with kindness, positivity and appreciation. More often  than not, once you get the ball rolling in a positive way, your spouse will  reciprocate.

Protecting  your marriage from struggles, temptation and loneliness requires preparation  within God’s word. Taking a proactive approach in strengthening yourself as  well as your marriage, can provide stability among hard times, provoking a wise  response to various situations that arise instead of a mere reaction. Awareness  of the struggles that plague many relationships is the first step to gaining  preparation and understanding how to prevent, endure and survive hard times in  your marriage, emerging stronger in faith and with your partner.

Your Turn: How do YOU keep your marriage strong?

I am pleased to share the following content with you from Jeremy Fordham. Jeremy is a contributing writer for onlinephdprograms.com, is an engineer who address issues at the boundary of many fields with the hope of encouraging dialogue in unique niches. He is an advocate of process optimization and renewable energy. Read on and use his content to help you stay strong in ministry leadership…

This is a 2-part series.

As wedding bells ring, we sometimes have images of a perfect marriage engrained in our minds, connecting love and devotion with a roposed easy journey. Yet you don’t know that marriage is anything but easy or simple. In fact, even the healthiest marriages take work and have peaks and valleys that must be approached with wisdom and faith. However gaining a solid understanding these ten common marriage pitfalls can provide you with the insight and the strength to overcome any marital problems you and your spouse may face.

1. Empty Threats and Fear Emerge Whenever Struggles Endure. When asked about the successes of their marriages, many couples who have been together for long periods of time highlight the importance of sticking through hard times rather than provoking fear of constant abandonment. Take the option of the table and avoid these types of threats from the beginning of your marriage. Threats of leaving or divorce do very little to provide a solution to power struggles, arguments and disagreements. Instead of threatening, develop an authentic solution to a problem by seeking advice from a trusted source, like a pastor or counselor. You can also try to approach struggles more systematically, preventing arguments before they build up and fester.

2. The Plague of Negativity. One of the biggest hardships some marriages face is the presence of general negativity. Avoid nitpicking habits or negative behaviors and replace harsh words and tones with kindness. Find something nice to say to your partner each day to create feelings of love and appreciation. Encourage, listen and respect your spouse.

3. Life Takes Over. We’re busy. We leave hectic lives. Kids, dinner, housework, commitments and activities fill our calendars, making it difficult to balance life with the nurturing behaviors necessary to make your partner feel special. Find one night a month to devote to your spouse and make them feel special. Your efforts may soon be reciprocated.

4. Talking is Replaced. According to WebMD one of the most important factors of a healthy relationship is successful communication. Simply letting your spouse know about various actions and experiences in your day and, in turn, inquiring about theirs can work wonders in letting each other know you care about each other’s days.

5. In Your Hip Pocket. Partake in activities that don’t involve your spouse. Join your women’s bible study or fellowship with other men. You can enjoy activities, hobbies and friends, both with and without one another.

Read on for the next 5…

The call to ministry leadership makes a lousy companion. Spending energy on helping others at the expense of a marriage is like having an affair. Have you you been serving up a gourmet meal of care to others while your spouse is getting your left overs? Time to rekindle the fire. Time to fan into flame the spark of affection that once drew you to your spouse.

Here are a few resources that may help you create an affair to remember.

Les and Leslie Parrott’s Real Relationships site

David Kidd’s Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Pastor’s Retreat Network – Bethany Retreat experience for couples

When people look at you and say, “My, how they love on another“, I’d say you’re on the right track…

Your Turn: How do YOU keep your marriage an affair to remember?