I believe it was Charlie Kaufman, the American screenwriter, who said something like,

"When I'm writing, I'm trying to immerse myself in the chaos of an emotional experience, rather than separate myself from it, so I can ultimately look back at it from a distance with clarity and tell it as a story. Because that's how life is lived, you know?"

What's your story?

I bet it includes moments of exhilaration, moments of exasperation, and moments of extreme chaos. Mine does too.

• I can still recall watching as the doors at the back of the sanctuary opened to reveal the most beautiful woman dressed in a white, flowing gown as she walked hand in hand with her father toward me to consent to build a life with me.

• I can recall the first birthday of each of my kids as they entered the world wrinkled and complaining loudly at their unfamiliar surroundings.

• I'll never forget sitting down beside my wife and explaining how we would have to close down the 44-year family business and face bankruptcy.

Easy, enjoyable situations. Tough, excruciating situations. String them together and what do you have? LIFE.

Every situation has a context.

Life is lived in the moment of the situation. There seem to be two distinct phases to facing situations well.

1. First, feel the emotion of the experience; name it; acknowledge it.
2. Second, step back and look at it in the context of the bigger picture.

That's clarity.

I've not always gotten clarity right away. There have been times when I have neglected the first phase and denied how I was feeling and jumped straight to phase two in order to rush the learning. To my dismay, it has only delayed clarity.

At first, clarity seems not so clear. When you are squirming and skirmishing with the emotions of the situation, it can seem like the emotions are getting the better of you. But do the squirming and skirmishing. It's part of the process of clarity. Until then, you won't be able to step back and look at it in context. Only then will it begin to make sense and you can tell your story to others. They, in turn, are empowered to learn from their own situations using the light from your story.

In the weeds

I bet you've heard these words before. You may have uttered them yourself. You say them when you're overwhelmed by the details of the situation you're facing. The reason you're overwhelmed is that, in the weeds, the locus of control resides outside of you. As a result, you feel as though you're being controlled by the situation rather than feeling a sense of control over it. The best thing to do is to get above the weeds.

When I work with my clients, one of the first things we do is what I call a "Download". It's step 1 of a 5-step cycle. Sensing the freedom of a non-judgmental, totally confidential space, they wrestle with the situation and pour out their thoughts one at a time. Each thought is like a step up the staircase to the balcony. When they can't think of another thing to say, they invariably utter a sigh of relief.

They are now in a position to see the situation from a more comprehensive perspective. This empowers them. The locus of control is back within them and they are in a much better position to take strategic measures.

That's clarity.

Clarity is freeing.

It's a wide-open space.

It's settling.

It leads to deeper assurance.

It soothes the soul.

Got clarity?

How about you? As you read this week's issue of GenX Weekly, do you feel as though you have clarity?

We GenXers are the "middle child" between the Baby Boomers and the Millennials. Often times that results in a lack of clarity.

I hope you'll join me as I seek to acknowledge my emotions before stepping back to gain context. I want to be a GenX leader with clarity.

Don't you?