Ever feel like you were not in control of what was happening to you? Have you ever lost your cool and lashed out at someone? Yeah, me too. It comes primarily from the sense that you are being controlled. It's like change. You might think that no one likes change. However, it's not that we don't like change so much that we don't like being changed. Similarly, we don't like being controlled.

When you are feeling controlled, the locus of control is outside of you. You don't feel like you have any choice in the matter. You feel like you are a slave to circumstances. But there is an excellent way of living in the midst of circumstances.

Excellence And Control

You've probably heard the old phrase, "It's not what happens to us that matters, it's how we respond to what happens that matters." That's a pretty good perspective to have as an excellent person. You have a choice for how you respond to what comes your way. Compare it to reacting to circumstances out of a sense of being controlled.

An example:

Let's say you've had a bad day. You spilled jelly on your shirt at breakfast. Changing your shirt made you late for work. When you finally arrived, your boss gave you "that look" that made you wonder all day if you'd be passed over for that promotion you've been hoping for.

Now, you can react to this set of circumstances by bottling up everything and kicking the dog or being short with the kids when you get home. Or you can respond out of a sense of control, which looks quite differently. You agree that mistakes happen and the jelly didn't jump onto your shirt on purpose. You take the initiative to go to your boss and have a conversation about your tardiness. And you come home with open arms to greet your kids, and your dog.

I have a lot more to say about the role that control has over our journey of excellence, but for now here's an action step to consider:

ACTION STEP

• Make a list of things that happened to you over the last week
• Separate the things you caused from the things you didn't cause
• Reflect on your response to both lists and see how much control you feel you have

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